I’ve been up most of the night unable to sleep. I think I’ve had about 5hrs sleep, which isn’t good. It’s not that I ate too soon before bed, or that I hopped up on too many sugars in my coffee or even excitement (I’m in Scotland with my favourites)
Nope it’s all because I’m terrified of my bag leaking or it getting full and me needing to go to the toilet. I’m staying at the Puddleducks and they kindly let us have their bed with Ra-Ra in a travel cot next to us.
I woke up at 2am and emptied my bag, I was worried about waking everyone up as I walked to the bathroom. I’m an absolute clutz like monumentally so. Somehow managed to get my anxieties in check and fall back asleep till 5am from which I have been awake ever since.
Now the Puddleducks have made me and the two terrors feel absolutely welcome and comfortable but I just can’t move past my mindset. I feel awful that the output smells revolting at the moment (well whose crap doesn’t am I right?) But my stoma is being very active like I’ve not noticed before so clearly food isn’t staying in my digestive system as long as usual which is making the odour worse.
I went downstairs and made a joke about it to make me feel better about the whole thing and both of them once again reassured me that it didn’t matter. Hopefully as the day goes on my nerves will calm down and I can fully enjoy my time with my friends and family.
I guess I didn’t freak out as much on Monday because I wasn’t in Stacy’s own home, we were in a B&B. By this is another adjustment and learning curve, at least I’m with people I care about.