I have started to become somewhat antisocial, I don’t want to really see or speak to people as I transition and get used to the fact I have something undulating on my stomach. I did NOT expect that to be happening at all.
I’ve spent awhile thinking about getting dressed and just going off the ward for a bit (*UPDATE* which is what I’ve done and why there are three short succession posts published, no signal where I am) Just closing the curtains is not giving me enough of anything to be alone. Nobody noticed that I left the ward which was a bit of a relief for me as I didn’t want them too but I also understand that they need to know where I am. It was lovely and sunny in the gardens not so much now. One of the HCA saw me and said she would let them know I was OK.
Currently I look more ridiculous than normal after I realised all my dresses were getting washed after being covered in blood. My trousers wouldn’t fit over the drainage bag. So I’m in an oversized t-shirt and scarf, my pj bottoms, fake converse that match my oh so sexy support stockings. I can live with looking like an idiot for now but it’s the fact my bottoms are 3/4 length and my catheter is showing.
I know that this surgery will ultimately make my life better, there is no point sugar coating the transition. It’s going to be hard and take awhile but nobody can help me “heal” so to speak and move on but me. So here is where I would usually apologise for being down, but I won’t be doing that today it’s part of life having down days and this blog is a pretty damn open and maybe harsh reality version that is my life.